DepressionSometimes I wake up depressed.

I have no good reason for it. Yesterday was a good day, and I’m just as healthy and well-off today, so why the long face and shitty emotional state? I could blame it on the rain, or the little spat that Dezz and I got into (over something tiny, and already resolved), but the truth is there’s no good reason.

That’s what depression is; feeling awful for no reason.

This used to happen to me a LOT. Every day, really. I would wake up and the first thing I would think about are all the shitty things that make me unhappy. And when that happens, I’m terrible to be around. Hair-trigger temper and teary outbursts, self-pity and zero patience for even the tiniest disruption to my routine. It’s not a pretty picture.

It doesn’t happen so much anymore.

I work hard to stay in a positive place; practicing compassion for the people that hurt me (intentionally or not), forgiving myself when I fall short of my own ideals; and it helps a LOT.

Staying aware of all the good things in my life gives me arguments to fight the side of my brain that tells me that “everything is awful” and that “nobody cares”. It brings the shades of grey back into the black and white vision of “good” and “bad” … And those shades of grey can be amazingly illuminating when you’re lost in the gloom.

So thank you to all of the wonderful peeps in my life. Thank you for being lanterns and candles and bonfires along the darker paths. You being you makes me a better version of me. You are my joy. <3

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10 Responses to “Depression”

  1. Rosalee April 23, 2015 at 6:52 am #

    Not enough sun gets folks depressed – SISU vitamin D 5000IU(tablets) once a day when feeling down. Works for me!

  2. Bri July 8, 2015 at 8:55 pm #

    Hello, my name is Brittany and I write books. My latest novella is called “A Beast Like Me”. I wanted to know if it would be acceptable for me to use the image listed above as the cover. I,of course, would give you full credit in the credits, however, I wanted to get permission first.

  3. Brittany Hall August 9, 2015 at 7:20 pm #

    I wrote a blog just moments ago, and I needed an image to include so I googled depression. I found this post and it’s so similar ton mine.

    Hugs. Know you aren’t alone.

    • NewToThis August 21, 2015 at 3:00 am #

      I too wrote a blog post about my depression not long ago, and stumbled upon this blog in the same way. (for the sake of interest, your picture is on the second row of Google images when you search for “depression”). I don’t think my own depression just comes out of nowhere; I usually have a number of small things that, if left unchecked, turn into something big and start my downward spiral. My most recent post is if you are interested. I’ve found that writing about it kind of helps a bit. Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m taking the time to put my thoughts into words…

    • Carol Channelling October 29, 2015 at 10:24 am #

      Thank you for sending me this link! I really think it’s helpful to look at the triggers for depression, and some of it’s patterns, and like you said, as long as you keep learning from your mistakes; they were worth the making 😀

      Sharing it on the Dezz&Carol Facebook page 😀
      THANK YOU!

    • loribravo August 23, 2015 at 7:10 am #

      Yep. Same for me. Your image describes the feeling to a tea. I knew I was clinically depressed one morning when I woke up feeling this way. I tried to list legitimate reasons for my feelings, and I could not. I got dressed and drove myself to a mental hospital. I wound up getting my meds,adjusted and taking classes for two weeks. That seemed to help for a while, but the meds got changed again by an out patient doctor and within two months, I was back like your drawing again. This time, I went to my primary care doc and requested the meds that the hospital recommended. Now, when I take them, things seem better, bit I tend to forget them and fall out of a routine. Sorry to go on, but it does,help to write about it, and this is the most I’ve written about it publicly. The whole,point of my reply was to tell you that you nailed it and to ask if I could use your image in my (very) private journal. Know that you are not alone, and look to,those closest to you for understanding.

    • Carol Channelling October 29, 2015 at 10:18 am #

      I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this. I want to say YES, USE THE PICTURE!” since it’s such a powerful image, but it’s not mine to be able to say one way or the other …. I’ve been trying to track down the original artist of this image, and it seems that it’s been used so many times without attribution to the artist that it’s almost impossible to find out who did this amazing artwork.

      The struggle with depression is a long and bumpy road, some days it will seem all uphill, other days you’re coasting, then another you’re in total free-fall. I thank you for sharing your experiences with me, it means a lot.

      Since everyone else is sharing the pic, I’d say share it and add a line that invites the original artist (should they choose to “out” themselves) to let you know who it is. If you do manage to find the person who made it, let me know because I’d love to send them some love and share their artwork with proper attribution 😀

    • Carol Channelling October 29, 2015 at 10:19 am #

      Thank you. That means a LOT.

    • AP August 23, 2016 at 3:19 pm #

      Thank you Carol for this post and the beautiful song that accompanies it! I too was drawn here by a Google Image search for “depression” — after my own journey through burnout I started “Missing in the Mission”, a blog for and by humanitarian aid workers about the process of taking care of ourselves and each other ( An anonymous contributor is writing about her experience of depression and this image really speaks to her so we would like to use it with her post. I did a search for AJGIEL (the watermark in the middle-right of the image) and am pretty sure this is the artist, judging by the other pieces in his gallery (especially “Change”): Just wrote to her/him saying that many of us are looking to source this artwork! All the best to all.

  4. Carol Channelling December 5, 2016 at 2:30 pm #

    THANK YOU SO MUCH AP! Let us know about any way we can attribute this properly! <3

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